I finally started that cut I've been talking about since New Year's-ish. Mostly I cut a bunch of communities, but also a few friends who seem to have left LJ. I haven't gone through and cut all of the dead journals, but I do plan to. I'm basically dropping anyone I haven't heard from in the past year or so, especially since mom's death.

I've enjoyed the time I've spent with everyone. If I drop you and you wish I hadn't, please let me know. If you feel like moving on, feel free to go with my blessing.

Thanks!

Greetings, Fellow Travellers

Sep. 11th, 2005 at 11:38 PM


I am just another seeker on the path. This journal will be used to keep record of my travels. We all have something to share.

I'll try to keep this as positive as I can. Creation is made by thoughts-words-deeds. This is where I will share my thoughts, putting them into words, and hopefully create something positive. If I revert to a diatribe of self-pity, forgive me. We all wander off the path occasionally.

I am Ahavah. I am a Stay-At-Home-Mom: a doula, Reiki Master, and writer. I just had baby # 2. As so often happens with life-changing events, I've had to take stock of where I am and where I want to be. I think sometimes we all have a tendency to forget Who We Really Are. By keeping this log, I aspire to be a bit more mindful. By exploring my journey here, keeping track of my goals, and sharing it with you, I have the added impetus of public accountability.

And most importantly, though we each have our own paths, we do not travel alone. I'm going to put myself out here for anyone who's interested (or unfortunate enough to stumble upon it...) If something speaks to you, or if you have insights of suggestions to share, please do so. Our paths have now crossed. Maybe we'll walk together a little ways.

roina_arwen also did a Pick One Poll. Check it out!

Yeah, me neither.

LJ's fine.

Found Dogs Update:

After keeping them two days, we began to notice some medical problems that needed dealt with. I emailed back everyone who contacted me, apologizing for wasting their time and explaining why we didn't feel it was in good conscience to give them out on a free site. None of the rescues would help us, so we ended up taking them (just about an hour ago) to the Humane Society. They were our last option, due to their use of euthanasia, but they are professionals who promised to give them medical care, work on the female's aggression, and try to make them placeable. The first 72 hours will be care only, and then they'll try to place them. They say the male should find a home quickly, as sweet as he is, and the female should be easy to place if they can get her over her aggression.

Thanks for all your help and prayers! I feel much better knowing professionals are taking care of these pups.

Also, if you just happen to be coming by from my email sig link - stop getting pissy that I won't give you the dogs. We have their best interests at heart. When you take it personally and cop a tude, it makes us all the more certain that you do not.



LiveJournal/Cyberworld Update:

I've found old "friends" and contacts dating from over ten years ago. I'm carrying around years-old emails from ex-boyfriends and ex-crushes. This weekend I am doing a TOTAL cyber clear out. If I haven't heard from you recently (oh, say since my personal shit began hitting the fan), then I will be removing you from my cyber life.

If you really want to stay, let me know. It's all cool.

{Also, since it's come up: If you're one of the somehow innumerable friends who are either getting married or have a mother in dire condition, I hope you know that I love you and am squeeing/praying for you as appropriate. I still find it hard to find words, so I haven't really been commenting. That's not because I don't care; it's because I care too much.}

Anyways, I'm letting it all go. It's nothing personal at all. I've realized I'm carrying around massive cyber baggage and it will all be culled...



Real World Update:


...in anticipation of a very important releasing & healing ceremony I have planned for my mom's birthday. I've gotten steadily worse, and I'm going to reclaim control of my life.

If I disappear, it's only til I feel better. I considered scrapping everything and starting new, but I just shelled out a pretty penny to get a permanent account. So yeah, I'm here permanently. Breaks are good though. We'll see how it goes.

So if I seem irky, callous, or have dropped you from IM or networking sites and broken your heart, I'm awfully sorry. I'm just trying to give myself a fresh start for the new year.

As always, if you want to leave first, feel free. I know I suck lately.

Worth it?

Hurry; time's wasting.
Last sign up day for LJ
Haiku Idol. Go!



ljhaikuidol

This is my entry for Week 10 of therealljidol. Remember to vote for me this weekend so I don't have to beg and plead, which is lame. Now, in order to more fully encompass the true drama of the misunderstood Livejournal post, I've decided to throw back a couple stout margaritas and do it meme-style. That's right, an LJ triple-play.

A Bunch Of Things I Wish I Could Tell My F-list & Fellow Contestants, But In Passive-Aggressive Cowardice Decide to Post Anonymously, Under the Pretense That It's All Just A Game, But We All Know How Very, Very Real It Actually Is:

1. You know, I'm like 99.6% certain that the rant you posted was about me.

2. I think you're unbelievably hot. Really. I always read your posts just to gaze at the icon of you.

3. I know who you really are, and some of my posts were just to screw with you.

4. I only keep you on my f-list because we've been friends for so long and I don't want to deal with the confrontation I know would come from dropping you. I'm too stressed lately as it is.

5. And you – I'm so glad you're gone. “Put your grief behind a cut, because some of us are trying to keep positivity in our life”? My mom died, you callous ass. If you don't want to read, scroll on by or unfriend me like this “friend” did. The scolding was unnecessary.

6. Speaking of which...my mom died. Slowly, during the course of my wedding AND Mother's Day. You were my ultimate bestie for a long time. Where the hell have you been when I needed you? You're worse than the ones who at least gave up pretenses and just turned tail.

7. White Space. Do you know what white space is? It's those little breaks that you'll find all through this post; they come after paragraphs and numbered items. They are imperative for ease of reading. You have interesting things to say, but you say it all in one HUGE block of evilly unrelenting text, and I literally, physically, cannot read your posts. It makes my eyes burn. See this:

[White]


[Space]



Can you dig it?


8. Stop using all of the following phrases: I can haz, lulz, kthxbai. It stopped being cute looooong ago. And while we're at it, don't you dare ever vocalize in my presence: "Oh-Em-Gee". You may say, “Oh my God”. I know it's taking the Lord's name in vain, but believe me, that's the lesser of two evils here.

9. Um, don't post something on the internet if you don't want to discuss it with people. Stew in silence in your living room as you pat yourself on the back, but once it's posted publicly, don't you dare delete/censor/freeze comments. Wanna tell me how much this posts sucks and you'll do whatever the hell you want while you're online? Go ahead; commenting is allowed. You can even call me names if it makes you feel better. I might point and laugh, but I won't skew comments in my favor. Your responses speak well enough for themselves.

10. I would totally be trying to fuck you if you hadn't been such an ass that one time.

11. I wish I'd never opened up to you.

12. I have the sneaking suspicion that you don't like me very much. That's okay; I can't blame you.

13. I have the sneaking suspicion that you're crushing on my husband. That's okay; I can't blame you.

14. Your whineyness is why I didn't vote for you, not the size of your friends list. If it's a tie-breaker and I think both entries are equally strong, I'll still only vote for one: the one who has whined and pimped less on their journal. Let's face it, in a competition like this, whining does not win you fans. Sorry. I'm a newbie and I get votes...because I rawk*. My friends don't even pay attention to this shit.

15. Vote for me this weekend. I know you do, like, half of these things, but you know I wasn't talking about you. I love you, baby.






* Technically this & it's "hawt" counterpart fall under #8, but you can always flub the rules with snark. Or pure awesomeness. I'll leave it to you to decide which I'm going for here.

(This is for Week 8 of therealljidol)

Rant:

• Get offended at something said in an email.
  
• Write a sternly worded, passionate post about why that person is the greatest MORON in history.
  
• Include a couple witty links to prove how right you are.
  
• Bask in the glory of your friends telling you “Right on!”
  
• Wallow in despair as your coworker forwards it to the boss.
  
• Explain that you meant MORMON, and that by “holier-than-thou” you really meant that you totally admire his devout convictions.

Rant 2.0

• Get pissed off at someone in a community.
  
• Fire out your rage through the keyboard, but this time on the community.
  
• Lock down your journal when teh drama arrives in waves.
  
• Give someone a vulgar earful/delete your comment/somehow get banned from community.

Rant Beta

• Get pissed off somewhere in cyberworld.
  
• Try to stay quiet, but stew and stew
  
• Unleash a maelstrom of “OMG YOU SUCK IN EVERY WAY!”, only this time friends-lock it.
  
• Receive comment that says, “Um, I don't think this is locked. You might want to check it.”
  
• Friends-lock.
  
• *facepalm* when a screencap from that sixteen seconds of public posting shows up on Encyclopedia Dramatica

Rant 3.1

• See someone snarking you this time.
  
• Rant and rave, but friends-lock. Sextuple-check.
  
• Rant and rave again when someone reposts quotes in a public forum.
  
• Massive f-list cut. Alternately, you could post a helpful poll and filter out all the people who don't like you.
  
• Be nice for a long time.

Rant 3.2

• Try, try, try to hold it in.
  
• This time make it witty and snarky.
  
• Sit on it a day or two to make sure it is in fact witty and snarky, and not bitchy and whiny.
  
• Post it, locked, deca-checked.
  
• Consider it an improvement when it's QWP on metaquotes
  
• Add a bunch of new, cool, snarky friends.

Rant 3.3

• *headdesk* when it becomes apparent that one of your new, cool, snarky friends is a sockpuppet from The Losers of Rant 2.0
  
• *stomp bunnies and kitties* when you realize you'd added new, cool, snarky friend to naughty filter.
  
• Tell everyone on your f-list that you hate them! Except, of course, for the ones who offer you huggles.
  
• Attempt to get fake MySpace page taken down.
  
• Wallow in despair when your coworker forwards it to the boss, who shows it to his golf buddy, whose wife passes it on to her best friend from choir practice, who shows the minister and his wife, who tells your mother.
  
• Explain to the minister, his wife, and your mother why there are topless pictures of you with a riding crop, straddling a fat guy with a bit in his mouth.
  
• Explain to your PETA-loving sister-in-law that you do not actually stomp bunnies and kitties.
  
• Scrap that crappy journal, adopt a cute nom de plume, and join therealljidol to prove that your writing is truly witty and that you can make decent friends.
  
• Hold it in, hold it in, hold it in. For the love of God, hold it in.

Okay guys, a couple questions/thoughts...

If you see one of your friends snarked somewhere, do you tell them? Is this a case or 'what they don't know won't hurt them' or 'better point that out, lest they be pissed you didn't tell them'? Does it only matter if it was an f-locked entry, so they can be aware that a "friend" is a viper?

Me personally, I want to know if I'm being snarked. Hell, I snark myself often, so I'll be impressed if it's done well. In fact, I'm fairly sure that I saw an entry about myself the very same day I joined mock_the_stupid. I almost commented, but what's the point? Wank only makes it worse. Still, most people have thinner skins than me. Would I upset someone more by pointing it out, or by remaining silent?

This isn't today, BTW, so don't go reading my f-list to see if you showed up somewhere. LOL This is something I noticed one day while I was peeking in randomly.

Also...lots of folks vent about their friends. I'm just curious - do you create a special filter that excludes those friends, or do you just let them see it & hope it works out? I don't vent about my friends here, I tend to do that to Josh. LOL No really, I usually talk it out with said friends whenever I'm calm enough to. I'll talk to them before I'll talk to others about it, and it usually peeves the shit out of me if I find I'm not given the same courtesy. I'd rather know what's being said about me than not.

Speaking of filters - since I have a bunch of new friends, I should really go over them again. I think most people miss my filter link I have.

* Writing: My stuff, I usually like thorough critiques if you're willing. I do enjoy those "this is perfect; you rock!" comments, but I more greatly prefer constructive criticism. Like I said, thick skin. Since lots of people (ha! sometimes) comment, I may not take every suggestion, but I'll consider them.

* Poetry: Kind of self-explanatory. Seldom-used.

* NaNoWriMo: For those fellow WriMos or the angelic friends who just want to stay on my ass as I attempt National Novel Writing Month

* Ladies Only: Not for men, but hopefully more Lady-power than ewww-gross-stuff. Also seldom-used.

* Reiki Masters: For people with Reiki III attunements only. This is my teaching-prep stuff. All regular reiki posts are public, or f-locked if it's sensitive.

* Shamanism: Where I share my shamanic journeys. I love feedback, but rarely get it. I'm also hoping for people who would be willing to do joint-ceremonies/journeys.

* Channeling: My mom was a channeler. I am (slowly) going through her channelings. This is more personal reflection than readings, as well as my own experiences.

* Music Exchange: Not started yet, but in the works. Read this post if you think you may be interested.

Let me know if you want on any of them!

Some other things you should know about my lj:

- I only use lj-cuts when many pictures are involved.

- I prefer mutual friending. Most of my lj is f-locked. I usually delete anyone who removed me. I'm a little OCD about keeping my numbers even/balanced. *blush* There's your secret for the day!

- I usually only add people who introduce themselves and ask to be added. I overlooked that for my LJ Idol friending-fun, but that's usually how I roll.

- I post on many different topics, but it doesn't bother me if you're not interested. Comment/contribute when you're interested. Just don't come in my house demanding cuts or filters. That irks me. And on that note...

- Feel free to unfriend me whenever you want, or ask me to take you off a filter if I've put you on one. I just usually prefer hearing it from you than commenting on yours for a few months before I realize you've unfriended me. I always say goodbye, but I don't make a big deal.

Thanks for coming along!

It's funny how Beatles songs were playing every time we left my mom after visiting hours. This was the first of like two dozen. Several people commented on it. Usually they were ones she (&/or we) loved, and most we remember her singing. She was such an awesome singer.

I'm going to be writing the whole story. Not so much her story, as my story with her. A lot of this is likely to be emotional and locked away. I'm sure I'll be creating a special Christy filter. I know I have several wonderful new people who have been checking in through friends or communities. If you're interested in continuing the Christy(Amanda) story with me, just please add me first and let me know. I'll be honored and delighted to give you access.

Thank you guys so much for all the support. I was very close to my mom, and this has really been the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm so grateful for all the loving energy. I honestly might have turned feral without it.

I have made a friends/community cut.

I warned for sometime before I actually got around to it. I mostly cut people that I never hear from anymore or whose journals appear to be dead. Basically if they didn't answer my "I'm about to cut everybody" post and never commented on any of my sacred sharing posts, they were cut.

If you were cut and really wish you weren't, just speak up and let me know.

There are also others I'm considering cutting but hesitant to because we *used* to talk. I'll see if this cut helps my time issue, and if not, I may do a second round. So speak up if you're wanting to hang out, and feel free to move on if you're not.

Hopefully this means I'll catch up on my f-list better. :)

I went from:

152 LJ friends to 123 LJ friends

64 communities to 54 communities

I cut like 20 yahoo groups

and unsubscribed from 5 newsletters I never read anymore

I even cleaned out all my emails' address books (releasing high school boyfriends, people whom I could no longer even remember, etc...talk about cutting bonds and emotional spam!) Cleaning out the actual inboxes will be next, but I haven't gotten quite that much motivation yet.


WHEW!

http://www.livejournal.com/pay/claim.bml

Go there to get a three-day paid account extension if you were a paid member
when LJ was down. :)

Since I can't seem to stop getting SPAM comments, I've had to disable anonymous commenting. This now means that people have to have an LJ to comment to this journal. I'm sorry, and boy does that suck, but I'm SICK of it.

It's the same IP address every time (well, the last three times):

67.101.31.195

And it's always to one of my doula posts.

HEY. If you have a problem with me, come to me without hiding or being a bitch. Passive-aggressive bullshit just pisses me off.

Thanks.

The computron is dead.

I'll try to get online at my mom's when I can, but my appearances will probably be sporadic. I need a couple hundred dollars to fix it, so it will probably be several weeks (months?) before I can get consistent access again.

All good vibes are appreciated.

My primary email is Yajolimyr @ yahoo . com. The folks in my emergency contact list (as well as dear friends ladysmith & lahermite) have my pager number if anyone absolutely needs to get ahold of me.

I'll be in and out as I can. Until we meet again, dear friends.

Check out My Profile. I've added some of my favorite quotes in a kind of Friendslist Review type thing, so my profile more adequately pimps me to potential friends.

See the love, and feel free to contribute if the spirit moves you. :D

And feel free to check out the cool folks whom I have quoted, because they are monster cool and make awesome friends.

It has been done. I have jumped on the seasonal bandwagon and switched to a yulerifficesque layout.

On the happy-dance side, you can now see my tags on the side of my page. Woot!

I'm working on updating my profile, but it's a slow process since I'm making all the coolest stuff ever.

:-}

Hi, everyone! My internet woes are gone, and NetZero is back! It took several irate letters to NetZero, but I finally have everything fixed now! I'm so excited, I can't hardly stand it. Wow, and now I totally have a clear view on how addicted I am, but it's back so right now I don't care all that much. LOL I'll work on it.

Oh, HUGE hugs to mc_questionmark, simplydorei, and lessthan90sheep, who emailed me in the netzero void and quite literally kept me sane while I was all alone out here. And mega huge hugs to lahermite, who has become a good real life friend and actually kept me connected to the flesh-and-breathing world.

*sigh*

I missed you guys.

I have so much to catch up on, but I'm going to have to ease back in slowly. I swore that the first thing I'd do when I got my internet back was do a Flash Challenge over at Liberty Hall, and I'm about 50 posts behind in a very important plot line in my favorite rpg. I may wait one more week before I jump back into LJ full throttle, but rest assured, it will be soon. Definitely no longer indefinite! *does a jig, only slightly twitchy from withdrawal*

And wow, a big thanks and hug to everybody who didn't go unfriend me! ;) While I had initially intended to bank up a supply of posts, I totally lazied out and didn't do it. I did think about it, though, so please look forward to posts on such thrilling topics as: How totally rockin my kids are (Thanksgiving picture post), meeting health goals through the holidays (or 'Why I haven't done a Health Buddies post recently'. Hint: it involves gained weight), FLY update and Universal Butt-Kicks, how completely awesome the Keller concert was (I will write that post, and now that I can look it up, I'll hopefully be able to fill in some of the blanks from what I can't remember), 101 in 1001 update, and a new goal/passion in my life that I'm quite certain will transform the very core of my being.

In the meantime...

*smootch*