Ordinarily, today would be my birthday. Not today though, not really. I renounced it.

It's unconventional, I know. I've gotten several wonderful birthday wishes, and I'm very grateful and surprised to be remembered.

Why would someone renounce their birthday? It started as a joke, really. When Josh and I were picking wedding dates, we were waffling between April and May. Now, my mom's birthday was always right before Christmas, and quite frankly she always got gypped on presents. I joked that with our anniversary, Mother's Day, and my birthday all within a couple weeks of each other, maybe I'd just change my birthday.

Then everything with mom happened. Happy, overly-celebratory May kind of soured. Now our anniversary and Mother's Day will always be tied with her death. There's no way out of that. I think I actually forgot my birthday last year until Josh wished it to me. It sucked. People called for well-wishes, but everyone was still crying. It was just another anti-climactic day. Mom had always said birthdays didn't really matter once you got older. They're all just the same.

So, something about that little joke stayed with me and I decided it was a damned good idea. Josh and I actually argued for several months about this. He says it's a bit idiotic and you can't just up and change your birthday. Legally, I suppose he's right. I look at it like changing my name when I got married, though. Everything did change, and I'm a new Amanda. May is so overwhelmingly sad. Our anniversary, and Mother's Day (which she actually died on) will never ever again be as happy as they should be. I renounced the whole damned month, really. If there's supposed to be one day that's supposed to be about celebrating and happiness and partying - for me - then I should get to pick a day that can be that.

It's liberating, really. Since I renounced it last year, I dedicated 2009 to The Year of the Birthday. I have to test-run these things to make sure I'm making an informed decision. Here's my criteria:

1. Not May

2. Nice weather, preferably grill weather (I got spoiled on Memorial Day weekend, what can I say? Of course, it's pouring today, so there you go.)

3. Can't use anyone living's birthday, unless they offer it

4. It has to gel astrologically – either with what I currently am, or with what I'd like to manifest into my life. For birth chart purposes, I'll still stick with having been born in Davenport at 4:20 pm.

So far I've had one test-birthday. I celebrated on April 27, which is a month early and was actually my due date. We had an absolute gorgeous day, and we went up to my sacred spot. I've considered myself twenty-eight since that first birthday this year.

I'm considering trying out June 3. It's just a week later, so still in the ballpark. Since I'm definitely very Gemini, I would just be switching months. I may try June 10, too, just to have another celebration. I was originally born on a Wednesday, which lines up this year, so I should try out the Wednesdays in my area. Lyz suggested I use Papa's birthday since he's not using his anymore. That was mom's dad, and his birthday was June 25 – right in between Lyz's and Josh's. I'm not sure if Josh wants me encroaching on his birthday, though.

My options are open. I'll be holding auditions through, I don't know, maybe October. I considered switching to my half-birthday, but it's too close to Thanksgiving and my ex-stepdad's birthday, so the Gemini-Sagittarius nemesis thing resonates for me. Better to stay clear of the holidays, although Halloween has always been my favorite, so I wouldn't mind snagging some of that.

So there you have it. And if I've inspired any of you to seek your own liberation, feel free to use May 27. It's open. There really is a benefit to having it both near Memorial Day weekend most of the time and at the end of the school year. It served me well for twenty-six years. I think I will do a little “thank you and goodbye” ceremony tonight, just to complete the circle. I'll let you know when we officially ring in the new one.

Our first anniversary was really wonderful. Josh was actually in charge of the whole thing, and it was so nice to have him taking care of the day and excited about planning surprises for me. lahermite was kind enough to keep our kids for the night, so we had over 24 hours of kidless fun. We were supposed to go camping together, for the first time ever, but it keeps thunder-storming so that's been put on hold.

Josh wanted to get me a present, but since there's been no movement on the job front, I told him just going out on a real date was enough and not to waste money on me. Josh said, “Oh, I've got to get you something. Don't worry, you won't even be able to see it leave the account.” I knew he was up to something. Apparently he's been squirreling away money for some time, and he surprised me with a set of black pearls. I got a necklace, bracelet, and earrings. I adore black pearls, and I've always wanted some. They're so pretty!

After dropping the kids off in Hot Springs, we drove back to Asheville and went tent shopping. We have one small one, but we're trying to price family tents for the summer &/or our impending move. So we went shopping, marveling at how swiftly we were able to stop at several places. It's amazing what you can accomplish on time without two little ones to cart about! We even ended up catching an earlier movie than planned. We saw Wolverine, which was fairly good, and then went out to eat at Carrabba's. I'd been there before and enjoyed it, and have tried taking Josh on several occasions but it never worked out. Josh actually called and made our reservation days earlier, which is a first in our eight year relationship! It's a good thing, too, because come to find out, it was prom night.

Carrabba's was actually a pretty big disappointment, but that seems to be our karma whenever I get Josh to try a new place. I still had fun anyway, because Josh was all manly and sweet and ordered for me like we were an old married couple. He knew this week had been really hard for me, and he worked hard to make sure our anniversary was fun and happy. We talked about mom and our marriage a bit, but mostly we just talked about happy things. Josh makes me laugh.

I told him our day made up for not having any real anniversaries all those years, but that now he's set the bar pretty high for the rest of them.

We've been married for one year today. At this time last year, I still didn't even know if we were going to get married.

After rereading my marriage story, which was first shared in a friends-locked post here, I decided to share it again to mark the occasion. I'll keep this posted publicly, at least for a little while, so some of my non-lj friends and family can read it if they like. I can share it a little more now.


( Quite long )

( Pictures )

Eden got her first library card this week. We checked out an Encyclopedia of Reptiles & Amphibians (to learn about our lizard friend in the garden), an Encyclopedia Brown book, and another Little House book, These Happy Golden Years.

Then yesterday, Beltane, she up and declared, "We need to have a Boo Boo ceremony tonight." So I readily agreed and told her we'd try to have a fire that night. Later on though, Lyz called and invited us over to her new place (and made us dinner). I had forgotten I'd promised Eden a ceremony until she reminded me, so even though it was past bedtime when we got home, I told her we'd stay up and do one. It was too late for a big fire like we'd planned, but Josh lit a coal in his little rock fire-bowl thing he has. Eden ran in to get her basket, as she already had everything prepared!

She'd written four notes for Boo Boo (that's my mom, by the way). I didn't look at them since it was dark, but I saw they had drawings and stuff on them. Eden said she'd written them in secret ancient writings that only totems and guides can read. She said a prayer to start the ceremony, and then I shook my rattle to call in our guides. She gave a note to me and Josh, and she got two since sissy was asleep. We all said a word to mom and offered the notes to the fire, and it was really very beautiful. I could really feel her presence, and I told Eden what a proud grandmother she was. Eden said she could feel her hugs. I could too.

Easter

We dyed Easter eggs with onion skins, following the directions I found here. I don't use a lot of onions, so we didn't have a whole bunch of skins, but I still like the way they turned out. And so much better for the kids!

Teaser:



( No dragons, although Ivy insists some of them are dragon eggs )

When we woke up this morning, Eden yelled, “Hooray! I've always wanted to be six!”

I think I'll always consider her birthday my “Mommyversary”. Every morning on her birthday I wake up and think something like, “Well, my water broke by this time six years ago.” I love that I remember all of my births with pride. I look forward to showing Eden the pictures and going over the story again. I love how that nervous feeling of excitement becomes perfectly present in my tummy again.

I'll do her birthday pictures later, but for now I would just like to share my birth story for all my new friends who might not have seen it before. There are some naked birthy pics, and although I don't really consider that 'not safe for work' (says the doula), I guess I should warn for naked me any time that happens.

"People asked me if I was afraid and I laughed. Are you kidding? I'm a birth goddess. I didn't doubt for a second. It's what I was made for."

I've had the roughest year ever, and part of that roughness was the loss of my spiritual home. Both of them, really, if you count church and mom – and maybe I should. I've been slowly but surely getting back on track. However, I think it's time to take advantage of that 'wherever two or more gather' energy and get back on my spiritual track right now.

I've really only celebrated Lent once before, and that was years ago. (I 'gave up' cussing.) Mostly this round, I want to focus on my inner healing, like I imagine Jesus did during his forty day fast. I'm kind of a metaphysical Christian. I don't necessarily think Jesus was 'tempted by Satan'. I think everyone has their demons, and he faced his and overcame them and became a vehicle for the Christ spirit. So I want to face mine and overcome them, and hopefully get more aligned with the Christ spirit.

An interesting thing about Lent that I only learned last year, or perhaps it was the year before, was that the Sundays during Lent don't actually count. They're feast days. This awareness may help me stick with my own program for forty days, knowing that you're actually supposed to have a day of respite and celebration each week.

As part of my fitfriends community, I've been making goals to focus on each week and have slowly been integrating more healthy habits into my life. One of the things I've been doing is logging my food intake, and I'm trying to learn about healthier diets and make changes that I and my family can stick with. My Lent project will overlap this a bit, and I'm going to be focusing on both physical and spiritual changes.

Here are my Lenten goals:

1. Wean myself from coffee/caffeine in preparation for fasting
2. Start baking more healthy desserts to replace Little Debbie addiction
3. Eat more immune-boosting foods
4. Increase my water intake
5. Practice portion control
6. Fast Easter weekend

7. Do a Reiki self-healing every day
8. Stretch daily
9. Meditate for at least 5 minutes daily
10. Meditate with the sunrise & with the moon at least once a week
11. Perform a healing for someone else, or for Gaia, daily
12. Study and honor Jesus daily

merenda sent this awesome link to me.

Guess what happens at dawn this Valentine's Day? The Moon is in the seventh house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars.

Then, of course, peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars.

I'll admit: I couldn't care less about football. I'm into the Superbowl for one reason and one reason only – the commercials. We didn't even watch it last night. We watched movies and I caught up on the commercials this morning. (I love the glory of the internet.)

Here are my wins this year:

Bud Light – Conan O'Brien (The man out the window was pretty good, too.)

Pepsi – I'm Good I was really disappointed in Pepsi's commercials this year. Pepsi is my soda of choice, so I usually hold them to a higher standard. This one was on my hit-or-miss list, but the guy with the wire at the end really makes it. :)

Budweiser – Fetch Their other commercials were a bit weak, but this is what a Budweiser Clydesdale should be.

Denny's – Free Grand Slam This was cute. We may go to Denny's tomorrow, if the car looks up to it.

Bridgestone – Space This one was my favorite.

Coke – Avatar was pretty cute. I'd like to see that actually happen. I also enjoyed their “Heist” commercial. I usually don't like CGI.

Cash4Gold.com rocked.


Now, am I the only one who thought Denny's Nanapus looked like a low-budget version of the Oaty Bar?

Um. What's up with the New Year's entertainment? *twitches* Josh says he can't even think up a snide enough comment.

Merry Christmas!

I got pearl earrings, which I think is my first Xmas jewelry as well as my first pearls! I'm very excited. I've always wanted some pearls. Josh is such a sweetie. He even said he looked for black pearls, which are my favorites, but he was not happy with the ones he saw. That's okay; I'm happy with the ones I got!

Steph is a sweetie, too! She is weetastic to the extreme. Not only did she get me Keller Williams, she got me KW's Stage. I've wanted that for so long! Two discs, baby, and both live. Hooray!

My family is currently lost to me. Somewhere along the way, Santa snuck in a Guitar Hero game. Josh is supposed to be teaching Eden, but I haven't seen her get to touch it yet. :P Ivy is eating her healthy Christmas apple from the comfy seat of her very own Jeep.

Pictures later.

I hope your seasonal holiday of choice was spectacular!

Edited: because, hey, I didn't know both disks were live. Awesome.

I did not do any Christmas cards this year, and I only got presents for my family. I'm sorry.

You have my love, though!

:)

I also haven't contemplated Christmas dinner. Josh got himself a little ham. I better figure something out before the stores close early. I need to make a new fake fireplace, too. Josh made me throw the old one away.

Super thanks to lessthan90sheep! You provided the first presents that are under the tree. Presents, hooray! ♥

As mentioned in my earlier post, we taught the girls about Winter Solstice this year. Since I already told you my plans, I'll just share this as a picture post! This is actually the first big ceremony that we all held together as a family. (Josh isn't usually the ceremonying type.)

We started by taking a piece of paper, cutting it into fourths, and 'writing out the darkness' of this year that we wanted to offer to the fire. The girls immediately got sad about Boo Boo, and I reminded them of our healing ceremony at her house and said that now we can throw all that sadness in the fire if we wanted. Then we took the papers outside to the fire, and they were excited to stay up late and get to go outside for this.

Getting it out:



( Thanking the dark for it's time, and welcoming the light )

I just realized that 2009 has three Friday the 13ths. That seems interesting.

Your package arrived, and it is a success. Thank you for the awesome gifties! Chocolate is the way to the kids's hearts...and Josh's.

Beautiful tadeudz is also the friend who gave me my very first virtual gift. Do you know LJ had taken it away from my profile already? (They've got garlic in their souls.) I was so stoked to finally get one. Thanks for that too!

On a similar note, now that it officially December 1, and only now, may the world continue to discuss Christmas. Our grocery stores came out with Christmas displays at the EXACT SAME TIME as the Halloween candy. Josh has been listening to Christmas songs for weeks now, and I have a strict not-until-after-Tgiving rule. Why does it keep leaching outwards????

Whew. Now that that's out of the way, gifts and reminders of eternal love are welcome at all times. Somebody's just got to do something about Christmas's bid for world domination, though.

I decided to cross-post this from dailyrumi. If you're not a member, you should definitely check it out.


Thanksgiving is sweeter than bounty itself.
One who cherishes gratitude does not cling to the gift!
Thanksgiving is the true meat of God’s bounty;
The bounty is its shell,
For thanksgiving carries you to the hearth of the Beloved.
Abundance alone brings heedlessness,
Thanksgiving gives birth to alertness.
The bounty of thanksgiving will satisfy and elevate you,
And you will bestow a hundred bounties in return.
Eat your fill of God’s delicacies,
And you will be freed from hunger and begging.

I am so, so, so thankful this year that the democrats won back the White House.

Irony or Idiocy?

This is the first time I've ever spontaneously busted out into "Proud to be an American".

I just got off the phone with my grandma. She says she's been going downhill since mom died, so please hold her in your prayers. She may have suffered a small stroke, and she's having trouble remembering things. (She's 87 years old, but it got worse real fast.)

Recent things, anyway. She's still got the great stories.

"We all went and voted yesterday," Grandma tells me. "Did you?"

"Yep, I went and did early voting last week. There are a lot more people excited about the election this time, and that's great! Just think, either way you vote, you're doing something historic."

"Well I don't know about you," Grandma said in a strong I'm gonna talk politics, but not argue about it voice, "but I voted for Obama. I've loved him since the minute I heard his first speech. He's smart, and he seems genuine, you know. I've never voted Republican once in my life, but I really do like Obama."

"Good for you, Grandma! Me too. But around here, a lot of the older folks are, well, kind of redneck. You hear comments like 'We're democrat, but we don't want a black man in the White House.' We just shouldn't be hearing those kind of things anymore! Don't they care about the good of the country?"

"Well Manda," and her voice was shaky, but there was so much strength in, "I've never thought it mattered. I'll tell you...when I was working building the airplanes, back for the War you know, I had to take the bus to work. And you know how they did buses back then. There was this little old lady, and she had'ta have been seventy, but she was sitting, well, back with the darkies like it was, and I guess some of em had left at their stops. The front was all filled with white people, so I went and took an empty seat. And that bus, well they all just looked at me. And the old lady said, 'Here, I'll switch back there so you can come up here.' I just said, 'No, it's no harder for me to sit back here. Less than it would be for you to have to get up and move.' Cause I was only sixteen or seventeen, you know? She was so old...but all the white people, well they just looked at me like the wanted to run right through me. Run right through me. And her a little old lady. Such things shouldn't matter."


I'm so, so honored to carry on the stories of my heritage. I hope our country keeps on changing for the better, and that our children will be amazed by stories of that one time it was such a big deal to have a black president.



If you haven't, please go vote.