Thank you all for all of your prayers and well-wishes.

My grandma's service was lovely. I hope to get some time to do a proper post. There's a lot to get out.

I miss her.

We packed up Tuesday to head home, and then we realized that our farm closing was this Friday. Today! So we headed to Missouri to be there in person. We even made it in time for Josh to be present for the inspection. Our most major issue is that we'll have to redo the septic. I can't seem to get away from the icky streams! We're still going to buy it...today at 4 pm central time. Woot.

I'm glad we're here in person, but I really wish it hadn't taken grandma's death to get my ass out here. :/

Well, just thought I'd keep you posted. Hopefully I'll see everyone again soon.

We've been married for one year today. At this time last year, I still didn't even know if we were going to get married.

After rereading my marriage story, which was first shared in a friends-locked post here, I decided to share it again to mark the occasion. I'll keep this posted publicly, at least for a little while, so some of my non-lj friends and family can read it if they like. I can share it a little more now.


( Quite long )

( Pictures )

X-posted from dailyrumi, and last year.

http://ahavah-ehyeh.livejournal.com/187488.html

Exactly one year ago, my world collapsed when a truck driver plowed into my mom's stopped vehicle. Suffering devastating brain trauma, she remained in a coma for six days, dying on Mother's Day. PLEASE watch the road, every day.

Put up your papers, hang up your phones, take a deep breath, slow down, and please pay attention when you're driving.

Well, tomorrow is the trial of the unrepentant mother-killer. This will be the end of the first part at least, and we (me and my sisters) will finally be able to get up and speak to him. Boy, do I have a lot to say.

Please be with us and lend us your prayers and energy. I just want to see justice done. It's not likely that he'll get jail time, maybe just lose his license for a year, so I don't know why he's being so difficult about it. This has been so hard, but I've been trying to get my heart back in the right place.

I miss my mom. I want to do right by her, and I want the system to do right by her.

x-posted from _haiku_

I know why I'm mad.
It's the last I'll have of her;
don't want to let go.

x-posted from dailyrumi

(30 September 1207 – 17 December 1273)

come on sweetheart
let's adore one another
before there is no more
of you and me

a mirror tells the truth
look at your grim face
brighten up and cast away
your bitter smile

a generous friend
gives life for a friend
let's rise above this
animalistic behavior
and be kind to one another

spite darkens friendships
why not cast away
malice from our heart

once you think of me
dead and gone
you will make up with me
you will miss me
you may even adore me

why be a worshiper of the dead
think of me as a goner
come and make up now

since you will come
and throw kisses
at my tombstone later
why not give them to me now
this is me
that same person

i may talk too much
but my heart is silence
what else can i do
i am condemned to live this life

I don't know how I missed this yesterday, but Bettie Page passed on last night.

Thanks for all you did for women, even if you didn't realize it at the time!

This is my entry for Week 10 of therealljidol. Remember to vote for me this weekend so I don't have to beg and plead, which is lame. Now, in order to more fully encompass the true drama of the misunderstood Livejournal post, I've decided to throw back a couple stout margaritas and do it meme-style. That's right, an LJ triple-play.

A Bunch Of Things I Wish I Could Tell My F-list & Fellow Contestants, But In Passive-Aggressive Cowardice Decide to Post Anonymously, Under the Pretense That It's All Just A Game, But We All Know How Very, Very Real It Actually Is:

1. You know, I'm like 99.6% certain that the rant you posted was about me.

2. I think you're unbelievably hot. Really. I always read your posts just to gaze at the icon of you.

3. I know who you really are, and some of my posts were just to screw with you.

4. I only keep you on my f-list because we've been friends for so long and I don't want to deal with the confrontation I know would come from dropping you. I'm too stressed lately as it is.

5. And you – I'm so glad you're gone. “Put your grief behind a cut, because some of us are trying to keep positivity in our life”? My mom died, you callous ass. If you don't want to read, scroll on by or unfriend me like this “friend” did. The scolding was unnecessary.

6. Speaking of which...my mom died. Slowly, during the course of my wedding AND Mother's Day. You were my ultimate bestie for a long time. Where the hell have you been when I needed you? You're worse than the ones who at least gave up pretenses and just turned tail.

7. White Space. Do you know what white space is? It's those little breaks that you'll find all through this post; they come after paragraphs and numbered items. They are imperative for ease of reading. You have interesting things to say, but you say it all in one HUGE block of evilly unrelenting text, and I literally, physically, cannot read your posts. It makes my eyes burn. See this:

[White]


[Space]



Can you dig it?


8. Stop using all of the following phrases: I can haz, lulz, kthxbai. It stopped being cute looooong ago. And while we're at it, don't you dare ever vocalize in my presence: "Oh-Em-Gee". You may say, “Oh my God”. I know it's taking the Lord's name in vain, but believe me, that's the lesser of two evils here.

9. Um, don't post something on the internet if you don't want to discuss it with people. Stew in silence in your living room as you pat yourself on the back, but once it's posted publicly, don't you dare delete/censor/freeze comments. Wanna tell me how much this posts sucks and you'll do whatever the hell you want while you're online? Go ahead; commenting is allowed. You can even call me names if it makes you feel better. I might point and laugh, but I won't skew comments in my favor. Your responses speak well enough for themselves.

10. I would totally be trying to fuck you if you hadn't been such an ass that one time.

11. I wish I'd never opened up to you.

12. I have the sneaking suspicion that you don't like me very much. That's okay; I can't blame you.

13. I have the sneaking suspicion that you're crushing on my husband. That's okay; I can't blame you.

14. Your whineyness is why I didn't vote for you, not the size of your friends list. If it's a tie-breaker and I think both entries are equally strong, I'll still only vote for one: the one who has whined and pimped less on their journal. Let's face it, in a competition like this, whining does not win you fans. Sorry. I'm a newbie and I get votes...because I rawk*. My friends don't even pay attention to this shit.

15. Vote for me this weekend. I know you do, like, half of these things, but you know I wasn't talking about you. I love you, baby.






* Technically this & it's "hawt" counterpart fall under #8, but you can always flub the rules with snark. Or pure awesomeness. I'll leave it to you to decide which I'm going for here.

The world's oldest person has died. As I read things like this in the headlines, I always say a little prayer and offer healing to the departed. I thought I would share and pass that on here.

I strongly believe that people's love/prayers/energy/thoughts help others as their souls cross over. I've been around birth a lot, and though I'm fairly new to death, they seem to me to be very similar as far as being life's biggest, strongest, most powerful transitions. I think my mom's crossing was extra powerful because so many people were praying for her. I think that kind of outpouring of love helps offset fear, pain, and confusion.

When I think of people like Edna Parker, who has lived longer than most of us could ever hope to, it brings with it a very humbling thought. Do you have any idea how many people she's impacted in her life?

She was a teacher before getting married and becoming a housewife, too, so once more with feeling: Do you have any idea how many people's she's impacted in her life?

I see how my three and five (and a half) year olds have impacted strangers, and I'm glad that (for the most part) we've instilled respect and common courtesy into them. I'm only twenty-seven (and a half) and I know I've had an impact on the world. It's also a humbling thought, but it's true for every one of us. Some, I've impacted badly. I've done my best to apologize and make up for those, and I've been all right with keeping daily maintenance on the forgiveness process. Some, I've impacted wonderfully. I know this because some of you have let me into your homes/births/hearts/families. (And believe me, that means a lot when I'm feeling down.) My mom was only fifty, and yet she had touched so many, and so deeply. Brenden Foster was only eleven, and yet his kindness and generosity of spirit is at this very moment continuing to feed homeless all over the world.

So it is my sincere wish that you take a moment when you hear about someone who's passed on, or right then and there when someone really impacts you, take that moment to give them the love, prayer, and support that they deserve. Pour it on out to their families and everyone else who's ever been blessed by them. Even if you don't believe in the afterlife, just take a minute to give them a warm and fuzzy hug for their work here.

I hope, more than anything else, that my children grow up in a household of love. And I hope they appreciate that as the treasure that it is.

I hope I can always be honest with them, and that they'll learn from my mistakes without having to repeat them.

I really hope they don't hurt others just to make themselves look better.

I hope they never let a boyfriend hit them.

I hope they never go unbecomingly crazy on account of some boy. If they do, I hope they find their grace real quickly.

I hope they never lose faith in themselves.

I hope they learn to value honor, and that their word will be respected with good reason.

I hope they won't fear me so much that coming to me with the truth would ever be something they had to think over.

I hope they have a firm handshake.

I hope they never put substances into their bodies that have absolutely no business being there.

And the other ones...well, I hope they'll pick a safe place and the right people to do them with.

I hope they'll learn responsibility and accountability from me and not the hard way.

I hope they never say they hate me.

I hope they can laugh at themselves.

I hope they recognize their own power, and laugh at anyone who says differently.

I hope they never have to watch me die slowly, or harshly.

But when the time comes, I hope at least one of them offers to be with me.

I hope I can show them power even then, and that they realize the best of me comes from their grandmother. I hope I can pass all that on to them.

I hope they do good things in the world.

I hope they're truly happy with their lives, and their parts in our family. I hope they honor our heritage and carry our stories, and that one day their children will carry theirs with pride and fondness.

I hope they follow their hearts and passions, and when it's over, I hope that they're well pleased.




This is my entry for Week 7 of therealljidol. If you enjoyed it, please remember me when the polls go up Friday. I am now in Tribe technophile. Thanks!

Well, I did not get the internet. The line was apparently cut when they paved our road, so the gentleman put in an order to bury another line. He says that could take up to 7-14 days, *then* I can call and reorder the internet.

I met my mommy's killer. It did not go well.

It's funny how Beatles songs were playing every time we left my mom after visiting hours. This was the first of like two dozen. Several people commented on it. Usually they were ones she (&/or we) loved, and most we remember her singing. She was such an awesome singer.

I'm going to be writing the whole story. Not so much her story, as my story with her. A lot of this is likely to be emotional and locked away. I'm sure I'll be creating a special Christy filter. I know I have several wonderful new people who have been checking in through friends or communities. If you're interested in continuing the Christy(Amanda) story with me, just please add me first and let me know. I'll be honored and delighted to give you access.

Thank you guys so much for all the support. I was very close to my mom, and this has really been the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm so grateful for all the loving energy. I honestly might have turned feral without it.

Christy



Arden - Carol Christine Christy McDivitt, 50, of Arden, died Sunday, May 11, 2008, from injuries sustained in an auto accident on Long Shoals Road.

A native of Sterling, Ill., she was a daughter of Emma Ivey McDivitt and the late Everett McDivitt, of Morrison, Ill. A graduate of the American Institute of Holistic Theology, she had resided in the Asheville area for the past 20 years and was a grower for Van Wingerden Greenhouses of Horseshoe, N.C.

Christy loved horticulture, natural healing, naturalism, spirituality and great music - especially the blues.

Surviving in addition to her mother are daughters, Amanda Trancoso (Josh) Mack, of Leicester, Tina Marie (Adam Bazzle) Trancoso and Elizabeth Kate McDivitt, both of Arden; brothers, Ron (Linda) McDivitt, Mike (Linda) McDivitt, both of Morrison, Ill., Terry (Carolyn) McDivitt, of South Beloit, Ill., Pat (Patty) McDivitt, of Milan Ill., and Tom (Luann) McDivitt, of Prophetstown, Ill.; sister Bonnie (Chris) Schnaiter, of Mendota, Ill.; granddaughters, Eden and Ivy Mack.

Services were held Monday at the Unity Center in Fletcher, N.C. and other services will be held later in Illinois.

Christy had a beautiful smile and a great spiritual presence. She touched the lives of everyone she knew. A beloved daughter, sister, mother and boo-boo, she is cherished in both life and spirit.

Asheville Mortuary Services is caring for the McDivitt family.

(Or, Rumi as Therapy) x-posted from dailyrumi

Ah, my friends. Forgive me for the unconventional post. I sit awake here at the hospital, in a bit of a bad place with my mom. Lo, it's Wednesday, and I see no better place to turn than my favorite spiritual well-spring. So I have been on a bit of a Rumi scavenger hunt, gathering the bits and pieces from the corners and letting the current take me. It's my version of a spiritual 'treasure map', or ecstatic prayer ties, I think.




If I hold you with my emotions,
you'll become a wished-for companion.
If I hold you with my eyes,
you'll grow old and die.
So I hold you where we
both mix with the infinite.

*

( I went inside my heart to see how it was. Something there makes me hear the whole world weeping. )



Last night you left me and slept
your own deep sleep. Tonight you turn
and turn. I say,
"You and I will be together
till the universe dissolves."