Inspired by vanessafrida, but with a slight moderation

It is a brilliant Uni student budget meal. It might not be a traditional Italian carbonara, but hey, when you live on a student budget, you can't afford to be classy!

I feel a little honored, like a celebrity stopped by. One I totally disagree with, but still. :)

Though I do think it would have been nice if she'd actually gotten what I said correct.

I said I think it's weird pressure to hold a pledge over someone's head as incentive to get them to stop using pornography, and I stand by that. As I've mentioned before, I think that is overstepping bounds. Whatever happened to partners respecting one another enough that they don't have to like everything their partner does?

I don't think that having a boundary, "I won't date you if you use it," is wrong, or is necessarily pressure. Everyone has dealbreakers, and, well, if you do agree with the anti-porn feminist analysis of porn it's hardly any wonder you wouldn't like  knowing someone you're close to enjoys it, and even would consider it a dealbreaker.

But even then, I think it's very easy for that to become pressure. "If you want my attention, give the porn up." I think there's a lot of creepy potential there that some people could misuse. I've seen people use "get your politics in line or I'll leave/we'll shun you/etc." to manipulate others before, and I don't like it. I've seen people abandon others they called friends over changes in politics or opinion, and I don't like anything that smells like that to me.

But even given that, I don't think that pressure is coercion. Coercion is offering someone two "choices," one of which is so bad that the person is almost certain to make the "choice" you want them to make. So, for example, "your money or your life" works because while very few people would choose to hand their money over to someone who politely asks for all of it, few people would choose to get shot simply to keep their money. Coercion is something that changes the "choice".

And, well, I guess "The porn goes or I do" COULD therefore be coercive, in some cases. But I'm more inclined to see it not as full-blown coercion but as a kind of pressure I find distasteful. It's much more likely that if one half of a couple does find the pledge and like it, that person will then tell her partner she wants him to change, ply him with websites, etc.

And if he's convinced, well, all well and good I suppose. But if he's not, well... the idea of it makes me uncomfortable. It just strikes me as yet another way that ideological purity is held over people's heads. Because, well, what if he agrees with some of the critiques and not the rest? In a black and white world, the wannabe signer dumps, because she wants to pledge that she'll never date someone who hasn't refused to use it. But we don't live in that black and white world. So it's much more likely to just become a site of drama and unfocused guilt, if anything at all.

And the thing is, in the face of drama like that, a LOT of people would, rather than breaking up, just get secretive. (A lot of men already ARE secretive about porn use, because they think women don't like it, but don't think it's wrong.) Which means eventual discovery, and even MORE drama when the deception comes to light, and much bitterness.

And... that hardly seems productive to me. Hence: pressure. Not coercion.

Also, how flattered am I that OAG thinks this teensy l'il blog here is read enough to give her publicity? :) Awesome.

Please do NOT get dropped off at an SCA event by your uncle with NO GARB, NO TENT and NO BEDDING, when the weather service has announced nights and days that are COLD AND WET.....When you have had a diagnosis of epilepsy for many years now (and should know better).

Yes, I know you brought your service dog (who is really very sweet) so that she can alert you if your about to have a seizure (which was evidently your excuse for bringing a dog to an event on a working farm where it was asked no animals be brought), but for heavens sake, you know that cold, wet weather has caused your seizures in the past. And the fact that you were supposed to meet up with friends who were supposed to provide your clothing and shelter does not excuse your recklessness. Especially considering they didnt show up and you didnt check that they were here before your uncle drove off.

Also, asking me to abandon my campfire (WHEN I AM FREEZING MY BUNS OFF!!! and quite wet from the leak in my tent that woke me up) so that you can have a private consultation with a Chirurgeon about the seizure you just had at 3am is so not cool. Especially when I am the one with your RATHER LARGE service dog in my lap, trying to keep her warm.

Oh and did you bring your meds? Evidently not.......

For my contribution to Drama-Free Thursday, I'll post something I came across in an e-mail from a Muslim organization:

A man once asked the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) to offer some advice, but to make it brief. The Prophet replied: "When you stand up to pray, perform your prayer as if it were your last, do not say anything you will have to make an excuse for tomorrow and resolve to give up all hopes of what men possess." -- Al-Tirmidhi, Hadith 1373

I sometimes wonder, if I were to die or otherwise not make it back to the LJ, what others would think of me by how it ended -- that last entry. "He said THAT, and then it just ends!"

I've considered the philosophy of "Live Like You're Dying" (yes, I've heard the song) and how to apply that. One thing is to make sure you sign off saying what you wanted to say, with no feeling of "ooh, I wish I didn't just leave it at that. I should have said something more or something else." It's part of what makes me be sure I say "I love you" before I leave the_dark_snack for the day, it's probably part of why many couples do that before they part, even if it's routine, or for a short time.

It's been an interesting week on this journal. Yesterday's post stirred feelings, as I suspected it would. And on Tuesday's poll I couldn't help but notice six people took the patriotic route (choosing death" instead of indulging the joke answers) three of whom I know personally. Also, it seems Canada won. What to make of all this? Hey, I mostly post those polls for fun, take from it what you will.

Have a good day, everyone

No huge updates for me this month, well actually.. kinda/sorta..

I am in the midst of completing goal #001 - Visit California, specifically San Diego. I am here in sunny San Diego as I type this on a MUCH needed vacation! Yeah!! I've wanted to visit this city for TEN YEARS and I am finally here! Yay! I never want to leave, either. Actually I'm applying for a job out here, so maybe I won't even have to, hah!


The other big news is a goal that's still in progress. Goal #043 - lose 50lbs. I have now been training at the gym 6 days/week for six months (six months as of 17th July), and as of now I have lost 43lbs, and over 12% body fat! I've gained 15 - 20lbs of muscle, and I feel AMAZING! When I complete this goal, and some of my other fitness goals, I'll likely put up a before and after photo, just for shits and giggles.

I broke 40lbs. I can't believe it. I think, back when I started this training regime, that I didn't really believe I would actually lose the weight, get in shape, become healthy. And now here I am! I feel so amazing! Mentally as well as physically.

July hasn't been a great month, as far as my 101 list, in terms of getting a lot of things completed, but it's been a HELL of a month for my list and my self all the same! Quality, not quantity this month!



STATS
28 completed
32 in progress

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to a couple of friends about whom I sometimes wonder why they keep me on their friendslists -- but I'm glad they do. To bettybaker and sylverice2!

Whoda thunk that Tom Jones would be able to help me stay awake, and get me home from work?

The radio was playing "It's Not Unusual" this morning, and laughing at the Carlton in my head got me home :)

So I swore I'd get around to this eventually, once I'd dug myself out of a pretty hefty reading pile...

Written by Marie Brennan (swan_tower), "Midnight Never Come" is set in London during the reign of Elizabeth, where two courts co-exist: one is the English Court of Elizabeth, where men such as Walsingham fight to keep the Queen's throne safe; the other is the Onyx Court, the court of the Fae, ruled by the caprices of its cruel queen Indiviana. Those two worlds live side-by-side in an uneasy compromise, and they're about to get much closer when Lune, a disgraced Fae planted as a spy in Elizabeth's court, meets Michael Deven, an ambitious young man who wants nothing more than rise above his humble station...

( Behind cut (some minor spoilers) )

Ok, so here's why I wish I lived inside the US:
Tor is offering a sweepstakes for the change to get an eeepc customised by Donato Giancola. But you have to live in the US to enter, of course (not that I would have won. I'm not lucky at this sort of thing. But still...)
(and yes, I like it where I am ;) )

i haven't thoroughly researched these companies/sites, but they looked interesting to me, and i wanted to post them here...

if you hear/find-out any "nay"s about the sites, please let me know:




http://www.fabricandart.com/HTML_files/Fabrics/african.html:

"These Authentic African fabrics are fair trade from Ghana. Batiked and dyed in small communities in Ghana."





http://content.worldofgood.ebay.com/ns/AboutUs.html

" Our mission is to provide a trusted platform where individuals can create positive change through commerce, as part of a global community.

We believe that a growing number of individuals want to understand how the choices they make impact people and the planet. There is an important need for trusted information, and a need for transparency into how and where products are made. Our goal is to provide our community with the resources needed to make good choices and connect with others who share the same passion."




http://www.kwaze-kwasa.com/

"This online store is dedicated to eradicating poverty in Sub-Saharan Africa.
As the outlet for more than 200 people in impoverished circumstances or communities every purchase made provides sustainable employment and income.
All products are made under fair trade contracts and every worker receives a livable wage above local market rates.
100% of total net profits is returned to the same communities for their non-government grassroots AIDS orphan programs.
US and Canadian taxpayers benefit in that a portion of the purchase may be tax deductible."


- Ulla/Z.

Michigan weather is doing it's thing- which means for the second day in a row I woke up with a migraine. Zomig to the rescue! Feeling much better now, but so tired! I did NOT sleep well last night, and in addition to the migraine I woke up grumpy.

Okay, so I had a mini-meltdown last night right at bedtime. I told hubby I just wanted to have a good cry. He told me to go ahead if I wanted and that he would hold me. (Do I have a great guy or what?) I didn't want to, really, because that leads to stuffy noses and headaches. But I ended up doing so anyway. And of course ended up with a stuffy nose and headache. There was one plus- after I quieted hubby realized he forgot to set coffee up for this morning...

I tend to cry when I get frustrated. And I've had several little frustrations pile on top of each other and... yeah, hello tears! I think I got most of it out of my system last night. A 'good cry' can be cathartic. So no worries about me- I'm better now (though first thing this morning... not so good. ;) ).

Not sleeping well, and migraine meds added together make for a sleepy kitty. Good thing lunch is coming up- I may be able to snag a 15 minute nap. For some reason they have a problem with me doing these things at work. I don't get it. ;)


In other, positive news, I'm actually feeling writing creative again, this is a big plus. The Chris/Claire story has much to do with that. I've been focusing more on Claire lately (as those who read sashegrey have seen) so it may be time to give Chris some attention. Though should that be Chris from before or after? (this makes sense if you're me. ;) )

Hmm, hubby starts a three-evenings-in-a-row work series tonight. This means I won't see much of him this weekend. Which is never happy making. I may have to wander to the bookstore or internets cafe and do some writing on Saturday (so as to not disturb his sleeping).

Sasha was also being adorable last night. She kept trying to get in between hubby and I (while we were trying to cuddle) so SHE get get her share (and then some) of the attention. Being told no didn't bother her at all, she didn't listen, but that's to be expected. ;) Eventually we did have to kick her off the bed because biting and grabbing hands is not an appropriate way of 'requesting' affection. She did eventually forgive us.

So how's things by all of you?

Bento top, left to right:  apricot halves filled with grape halves; pea salad; fresh blueberries
bottom, left to right:  lemon gem marigolds (edible), plum sauce, parsley, and chicken for dipping

Summer Pea Salad

2 cups thawed frozen peas or fresh peas, lightly blanched and shocked
1/4 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup plain yogurt, preferably full-fat
3 Tablespoons fresh onion, minced
2 hardboiled eggs, diced
1/2 cup fresh tomato, diced (or cherry tomatoes, halved)
1/8 cup fresh chopped mint leaves, or 1 teaspoon dried mint leaves (spearmint or peppermint, either one)
1 teaspoon honey

Mix it, allow to chill and blend flavors at least 30 minutes before serving.

There are certain bands/singers that I think everyone should consciously listen to at least once, simply because of their importance. Here's a list off the top of my head. Who would be on your list?
( cut for list )
So that's what I can think of right now. Who else?

The other big list would be "Bands/Singers to listen to in order to get a clearer understanding of Gabe," but that'll have to wait.

This is my first weekly update!!  I technically updated mid-week, but that was (1) because I completed a goal and (2) I wanted to get myself in the habit of thinking about updating.  so this is the first office weekly update...

I'm also welcoming 101 friends with similar interests and goals -- I have a community where I post my updates, and/or would be willing to friend you on my personal journal... let me know!

I have a few in progress:

1. read 50 books per year (can include school assigned, but not textbooks)
    I am currently reading The Man Who Ate a 747 by Ben Sherwood.  It's cute, and I'm enjoying it so far.  I'm also about to start the second Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants book, as well as the Dark Knight comics (they totally count as books!)... I absolutely love library sharing programs, btw.  What a great resource!!

10. get rid of 101 items by May 2009. [1/101]
    I threw out a shirt the other day...  it wasn't very nice/in good condition/worth free boxing.

22. maintain year-long relationships with ten penpals by the end of 2009.
    I've written to six girls, am waiting for one two write, and have to write two more -- so we're on the road to ten pen friends!  I'm hoping the relationships work out :]

28. overhaul LJ tagging system
   Every couple of days at the circ desk I delete another ten or twenty tags... or go through a months' worth of entries and clean them up a bit.  I can't believe I've let it go so long, though.  It's really going to take me forever...  but it's also kind of fun.  I'm re-reading entries from years ago, and they make me laugh a bit.

31. peruse 1000 Places..., mark off what's been done, what's to re-do, and what's to do
    I ordered the book 1000 Places to See Before You Die via ConnectNY and have just started flipping through the pages.  I've started with the United States of America (just because I'm sure I won't be travelling out of country for at least a year or so, and another goal of mine is to see a couple of the places I've bookmarked) and so far, I want to go --almost-- everywhere.

33. collect 50 non-drink recipes and try at least half
    I've gotten a lot of cupcakes recipes and some dinner ideas (unofficial count is 19), but I won't really get a chance to try them until I move into senior housing in about a month.

62.  start that blog I keep on planning on starting
    I've joined </a></b></a>loverslane  as a staffer.  this isn't my blog, but it is blog-style writing, so it's getting me on track for that!  :]  and my first entry was on Mission 101 and tips for writing an easy-to-stick-to list.  It went over really well, and many people said they'd start a list because of my heads up.  Join the community and see what the rest of the girls have to offer as well!!

72. lose 20 pounds.
    Theoretically, I've been working on this one all summer.  I've already lost 6 pounds, but am not including that in this goal... unless it becomes obvious after awhile that I can't (i.e., I've lost fat but gained muscle, which weighs much more than fat).  The "real" goal behind the number is to be able to fit into my older clothing, and I *think* losing 20 pounds will get me there.