This Path

Dragons

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 23:53:20 GMT

♥

The Bike

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 17:49:42 GMT

The bike needs a name. I'm still a bit bumbly on her, so I don't feel we're really speaking to each other yet. Josh is threatening to name her out from under me. I'm improving though, so I think she'll have a name soon.

My learning-to-ride saga has been fun. I'll admit, I was quite scared. Everybody asked me, “Well, have you at least ridden a dirt bike or Josh's mini-bike or anything?” Nope. I never even got the hang of roller blades. Balance and me have never done well. I would have started learning on Josh's mini-chopper, but it's broken.

My bike is nice though. When I first sat on it to try everything out before we bought it, I was surprised at how light it is. It's a Honda Shadow just like Josh's, but Josh's is much heavier. We thought this was a pretty good bike for me to learn on. My feet sit flat on the ground when I'm on her, and she's all dented up so I don't have to be too afraid of learning on her (unlike Josh's mint-condition bike). I thought it was light, but boy, my upper body has been feeling the work-out of learning to hold her up and steer her!

The first day was, well, I sucked. By the time we got it home and got me out on it, it was already pretty late. I only had about half an hour or forty minutes to play around before it got dark. Josh taught me the basics, and I'm pretty sure he was surprised at just how basic my lessons needed to be. Josh had at least ridden one once and looked at magazines for years, so he knew pretty well much how they worked. He had to teach me how to turn it on, the brakes, I didn't even know motorcycles don't have reverse (which is why it's such a work out pushing that thing around). So yeah, my first day sucked hardcore, but at least Josh was nice and patient about it. Keia laughed a lot, but Josh said he didn't do much better the first time he road Josh's mini-bike, and he'd also ridden dirt bikes before.

So anyways, day one was a lot of start-stop, start-stop. I couldn't control how much gas I was giving her, so once I started going, I was going. Then I'd get scared and slam the hand brake, then I'd bow up like a dog taking one, then struggle to keep the bike up &/or not hitting anyone. Finally, we just kept it in neutral and Josh held on to the sissy bar like he had to do with Ivy on her bike, and I practiced trying to steer and keep her up as we went down the driveway. Then he'd walk me through turning her around, and I'd actually drive back up the driveway. I got okay controlling the gas if I was driving up our slight little incline, but since I couldn't really stop, I could not give her gas while going downhill. It wasn't bad for the first day though, even if I felt bad about Josh holding on to us. He didn't want me to crash first thing though, and I did eventually get better at steering.

The second day, we felt comfortable enough to practice on the long stretch of dirt road just below our house. I had to get better at stopping somehow, and I needed more room to work than our driveway gave. At first, I just practiced going slowly with my feet hanging down, so I could just stop with neutral & my feet. Eventually, I got comfortable enough controlling the throttle to be able to put my feet up. I even managed to stop on my own just before getting to the hilly part of the road. Then I put it in neutral so I could coast down the hill again, and that's when we went down. It had rained the night before and washed a little groove between some rocks on the dirt road (mountain dirt roads, for those not familiar with them, always wash out in even the slightest rain). I hit wet sandy dirt and lost control. I felt myself lose control and panicked, slamming the handbrake. I went down hard on my knee (on a rock), and the bike landed on me.

We hadn't even been out there an hour before I laid her down. Only problem is, she'd been laid down several times before (all those dents that made it a good “learning bike” ), so the foot peg was a little loose already. Well it did some funky bending thing into my gears and stopped wanting to go into neutral. I was hobbling and hurt fairly decently – although going down was not near as bad as I thought it was going to be, at least not at that speed – but Josh wanted to take it into the shop to make sure it was okay. I wanted to keep going, but even he was having trouble with neutral, and he flat-out refused to let me back on it til we were sure it was safe. I'm not normally the type of lady who lets her husband make flat-out refusals on my own things, but I actually found it incredibly sweet.

So I followed him up to the closest bike shop, where we'd bought supplies but, so help me, I will never take it there for work again. It had only messed up with neutral once on the way up, but Josh still wanted to get it looked at. It was pretty busy, so they guy said we'd have to leave it. It was 24 hours before they even put it up on their rack and looked at it, and I had stopped by and called to tell them I'd pay whatever for overnight shipping on parts or whatever so I could get my bike back right away. I was so pissed when I called the next morning and they hadn't even looked at it yet. We went to go pick it back up, because I'm not putting up with that shit, and they'd looked at it and said there was really no problem. Whatever. The guy's a punk. We took it across town to MR Honda and bought some of those crash bar things, just in case, and the guy there looked at it and in like two minutes of wiggling told Josh that the connector pad thing was just rusty. He came home to put the crash bar thing on and just had to take a little sandpaper to the pad before he put it back together. Bike worked fine.

I had no idea how expensive bike stuff is, either. Ten dollars for oil? Two hundred for the piece of metal you put on just to dent up, instead of the bike? Ridiculous. I'm glad Josh already had me a helmet, and I was able to find boots on sale at K-mart for fifteen bucks instead of a hundred and fifty. It's insane!

Anyway, my pretty little bike is back and wasn't even really messed up to begin with. And I'm barely limping, so back to riding! After Josh got my ~~training wheels~~ crash bar situated, we went up to a wee little community center over the mountain from our house. It's one of those tiny things way out in the boonies where there are rarely cars and I've never seen a cop that far. This is my practice lot. I practiced first gear and stopping, and the dreaded turning. I say dreaded because leaning over on those things really scares me. Since it's a small lot, too, I don't have any room to get out of first even though I now want to, so doing slow turns was tricky. I mastered that shit last night, though! I am now ready to find a bigger parking lot and move up to shifting. Hopefully I can still do all right stopping when I'm moving much faster. We're going on recon today to find a suitably large and abandoned lot, so wish me luck on that for 4th of July Saturday. Ha! I may have to just wait until next week, since I was unable to make it to the DMV for my permit yesterday like I thought I would.

That's where it's at. I've gotten exponentially better each day, and I've really only spent an hour on it most the longest time. Pretty soon I'll be ready for riding the road! We're both looking forward to being able to ride together. It's been a dream of ours for years. It's going to be another year or so before we can afford sidecars, which are also way more expensive than I expected, but at least Josh and I will get some practice riding together before we attempt to take out the girls. They're anxious too, though. We can't wait! I'm so glad we're actually on our way to getting goals accomplished. It's a good thing right now.

Squee!

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 13:12:21 GMT

My facebook friends already know what I've been up to, so I thought I'd better share with all my friends. Guess what I did!

Mine is the red one. Josh's is the blue one in the back (her name is CC, and he got her last year). Both are Honda Shadows (mine's an 89, Josh's is a 94).

I don't know her name yet. And once I know what I'm doing, I'll actually post riding pics.

Josh & CC

Naamah's Kiss

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 21:43:16 GMT

I really enjoyed Naamah's Kiss. I especially liked seeing Moirin's childhood with her mother, and getting more insight into the Maghuin Dhonn.

I actually wish we'd gotten to see a little more, but what we saw was good. I thought the whole thing with Cillian was beautifully done. I could remember all that passion from my first love, only I respected Moirin more for her decision just before the cattle raid. I cried. I look forward to more Moirin books, and I hope she's not still reviled when she finally goes home.

As always, I loved getting more insight into D'Angeline culture – especially the priesthood. The bits she spent with her father were probably some of my very favorite passages. I know her time with Cillian's family helped her ease into the bustling City life a bit better, but I still thought she acclimated a bit easily. Getting purse snatched and hit by a carriage is pretty logical for a backwoods girl, so I guess I was just peeved when Raphael swooped in to “rescue” and debut her right away. I guess there was a lot of ground to cover though, so just a minor annoyance.

I really enjoyed the interesting triangle with Moirin, Raphael, & Jehanne. That was pretty delightful, and I'm glad I actually ended up liking Jehanne better. The summonings were interesting enough, and I did like how Moirin saw them all differently and got on better with them. I thought it was cool that demons were so taken with her courtesy while the others were trying to force their bidding. Attitude makes a difference!

I also really enjoyed Master Lo Feng and his energy work. As a Reiki Master, I was delighted to see energy work becoming a major plotline in the book. I've apped characters with the ability and am glad to see it officially cannon. I've done similar breathwork and energy exercises with my own Reiki Master. It tickled me, and yet again I have more respect for Carey's research and blending of reality with myth and fiction.

I don't do Traditional Reiki, but Medicine Reiki, which is more akin to the Maghuin Dhonn than to Ch'in or Buddhism. I have studied Buddhism, though, and I loved seeing how different paths were represented – and always, in her books, how it's stressed that each path is equal. Lo Feng was very similar to Master Piero in that respect. I don't know a whole lot about China and their history or myths, so I enjoyed the different flavor presented here.

The difference in Snow Tiger's possession and Lucius' was well-done, I thought. It could have been too much like Lucca and it wasn't, and I thought this instance was infinitely more beautiful. The dragon was awesome, in my opinion. I know some disagree, but I love when magic and wonder is highlighted more than the war or spying. (I also like that Moirin sucked at spying considerably more than Phedre did, even though she had actual magic to assist.) I also thought it was great that he became guardian of the snowdrops. I hope that ends up going somewhere in the next books.

I'm still on the fence about the Moirin/Bao thing. I'll hold out on making a decision just yet, but I really hope it's not too angsty or reminiscent of Phedre and Joscelin. She's done a good job of making both Imriel's books and Moirin's be very unique in their tone and stories. I guess I just get leery.

What did you think?

Ah ha ha ha!

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 20:49:45 GMT

I'm reading Naamah's Kiss! It's so far awesome.

I'm not very far in it yet, but they've just started talking about reiki! Energy healing from Ch'in!

I love when my squees overlap.

Plus, I really think JC has read and enjoyed the Earth's Children series, because I see a lot of subtle influence in many of her books.

Naamah's Kiss!

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 15:29:12 GMT

Just shipped to me!

SQUEE!

Very Asheville

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 06:32:29 GMT

This is too cool. It's on this week's postsecret.

Dragons!

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 02:28:21 GMT

Firefly egg to good home:

♥

Dragon Descriptions

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 03:00:15 GMT

X-posted to lineage_project

Here's my newest batch of approved dragons. My recent batch of Dorkfaces are named after Keller Williams songs. Where applicable, I've included a link to the song:

Best Feeling Dorkface

(My favorite - Best Feeling: YouTube)

Buddha Would Drive Dorkface

(from Cadillac: YouTube)

Double Dorkface

Elf Made A Ridiculous Dorkface

Freeker By The Speaker Dorkface

(with the WMDS Freeker By The Speaker: YouTube)

Kismet Dorkface

Ridiculous Bob Rules Dorkface

(Bob Rules: YouTube If you listen to just one, I recommend it be this one.)

Ridiculous Count Black

Ridiculous Dorkface Squared

Sally Sullivan Dorkface

(All I can find is a cover by Byron Soule, but he does a nice job. Sally Sullivan Cover: YouTube)

Spun Dorkface

(Spun: Mog.com preview)

White Album 1 – Dorkface Edition

White Album 2 – Dorkface Edition

♥

Dragons

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 04:14:06 GMT

Finally, a blue stripe!

♥

Blogging for the Cure

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Sat, 30 May 2009 14:10:31 GMT

This weekend, my good friends tru2myart and moonstone_fae are Blogging for the Cure.

Sunday, several folks are going to be blogging every hour to raise money for Relay for Life. Tru and her daughters will be doing a charity walk next month.

Please check them out. They're both awesome writers and a day full of their insight promises to be fun all around. If you can spare a bit for the cause, that would be awesome of you too. If you want to participate, better hurry! I'm considering it, but we'll be having a first slumber party so it may just be the wrong weekend for me.

Mass Dorkface Breeding

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Fri, 29 May 2009 15:31:10 GMT

x-posted to lineage_project & dragonbrood

I just wanted to remind everyone that there will be a Mass Dorkface Breeding this weekend. There is a breeder request list, if you want something special. Most of those folks just want to be sure the name is kept. Others will be doing random drops to the AP on Friday, Saturday, & Sunday.

You can monitor the forum thread, since some people will be announcing drops. Or you can use a nifty Lineage Explorer to check out the lineages of the eggs you find on the AP.

Happy hunting, and feel free to drop your own Dorkfaces if you feel like it!

You say it's your birthday

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Wed, 27 May 2009 13:07:18 GMT

Ordinarily, today would be my birthday. Not today though, not really. I renounced it.

It's unconventional, I know. I've gotten several wonderful birthday wishes, and I'm very grateful and surprised to be remembered.

Why would someone renounce their birthday? It started as a joke, really. When Josh and I were picking wedding dates, we were waffling between April and May. Now, my mom's birthday was always right before Christmas, and quite frankly she always got gypped on presents. I joked that with our anniversary, Mother's Day, and my birthday all within a couple weeks of each other, maybe I'd just change my birthday.

Then everything with mom happened. Happy, overly-celebratory May kind of soured. Now our anniversary and Mother's Day will always be tied with her death. There's no way out of that. I think I actually forgot my birthday last year until Josh wished it to me. It sucked. People called for well-wishes, but everyone was still crying. It was just another anti-climactic day. Mom had always said birthdays didn't really matter once you got older. They're all just the same.

So, something about that little joke stayed with me and I decided it was a damned good idea. Josh and I actually argued for several months about this. He says it's a bit idiotic and you can't just up and change your birthday. Legally, I suppose he's right. I look at it like changing my name when I got married, though. Everything did change, and I'm a new Amanda. May is so overwhelmingly sad. Our anniversary, and Mother's Day (which she actually died on) will never ever again be as happy as they should be. I renounced the whole damned month, really. If there's supposed to be one day that's supposed to be about celebrating and happiness and partying - for me - then I should get to pick a day that can be that.

It's liberating, really. Since I renounced it last year, I dedicated 2009 to The Year of the Birthday. I have to test-run these things to make sure I'm making an informed decision. Here's my criteria:

1. Not May

2. Nice weather, preferably grill weather (I got spoiled on Memorial Day weekend, what can I say? Of course, it's pouring today, so there you go.)

3. Can't use anyone living's birthday, unless they offer it

4. It has to gel astrologically – either with what I currently am, or with what I'd like to manifest into my life. For birth chart purposes, I'll still stick with having been born in Davenport at 4:20 pm.

So far I've had one test-birthday. I celebrated on April 27, which is a month early and was actually my due date. We had an absolute gorgeous day, and we went up to my sacred spot. I've considered myself twenty-eight since that first birthday this year.

I'm considering trying out June 3. It's just a week later, so still in the ballpark. Since I'm definitely very Gemini, I would just be switching months. I may try June 10, too, just to have another celebration. I was originally born on a Wednesday, which lines up this year, so I should try out the Wednesdays in my area. Lyz suggested I use Papa's birthday since he's not using his anymore. That was mom's dad, and his birthday was June 25 – right in between Lyz's and Josh's. I'm not sure if Josh wants me encroaching on his birthday, though.

My options are open. I'll be holding auditions through, I don't know, maybe October. I considered switching to my half-birthday, but it's too close to Thanksgiving and my ex-stepdad's birthday, so the Gemini-Sagittarius nemesis thing resonates for me. Better to stay clear of the holidays, although Halloween has always been my favorite, so I wouldn't mind snagging some of that.

So there you have it. And if I've inspired any of you to seek your own liberation, feel free to use May 27. It's open. There really is a benefit to having it both near Memorial Day weekend most of the time and at the end of the school year. It served me well for twenty-six years. I think I will do a little “thank you and goodbye” ceremony tonight, just to complete the circle. I'll let you know when we officially ring in the new one.

Dragons!

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Wed, 27 May 2009 11:49:07 GMT

My first caveborn metallic! Nalyua, such a wonderful friend, went hunting for me since I can never catch any.

♥

Healing Request

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Thu, 21 May 2009 13:17:20 GMT

As those of you on my facebook learned yesterday, Eden managed to stick her face into a patch of poison ivy on our hike. She woke up yesterday with her poor face covered in it. Lots of Calagel and reiki/prayers/good thoughts really made it look much better before she went to bed.

And in her sleep, she couldn't help but scratch. Not only is it still on her face, she also now has a small trail running all the way down her body.

Please give her a little more of that good healing energy. I'll be washing her sheets in hot water again, and heading to the store soon to get her some benadryl.

Calculus?

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Thu, 21 May 2009 12:20:34 GMT

I need help finalizing the plans for my WonderSaga. I need someone who actually understands calculus. Does such a person exist? If so, will you please help me?

Dragons

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Sat, 16 May 2009 16:34:12 GMT

*beats the pink egg with a stick*

♥

Feel free to post yours. I won't beat them unless you want me to.

More Adventures in Parenting

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Wed, 13 May 2009 01:16:55 GMT

Ivy woke up and needed to use the bathroom, but she seemed to be taking a long time so I checked in on her. I gasped and cried in dismay, "Oh my god! Are you really wiping your butt with sister's dress?", to which she looked up with the happiest, most guiltless look I've ever seen in my life. She didn't even care that she was caught.

Naamah's Kiss Excerpt

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Tue, 12 May 2009 20:05:03 GMT

Woo hoo!

Anniversary

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Mon, 11 May 2009 13:57:50 GMT

Our first anniversary was really wonderful. Josh was actually in charge of the whole thing, and it was so nice to have him taking care of the day and excited about planning surprises for me. lahermite was kind enough to keep our kids for the night, so we had over 24 hours of kidless fun. We were supposed to go camping together, for the first time ever, but it keeps thunder-storming so that's been put on hold.

Josh wanted to get me a present, but since there's been no movement on the job front, I told him just going out on a real date was enough and not to waste money on me. Josh said, “Oh, I've got to get you something. Don't worry, you won't even be able to see it leave the account.” I knew he was up to something. Apparently he's been squirreling away money for some time, and he surprised me with a set of black pearls. I got a necklace, bracelet, and earrings. I adore black pearls, and I've always wanted some. They're so pretty!

After dropping the kids off in Hot Springs, we drove back to Asheville and went tent shopping. We have one small one, but we're trying to price family tents for the summer &/or our impending move. So we went shopping, marveling at how swiftly we were able to stop at several places. It's amazing what you can accomplish on time without two little ones to cart about! We even ended up catching an earlier movie than planned. We saw Wolverine, which was fairly good, and then went out to eat at Carrabba's. I'd been there before and enjoyed it, and have tried taking Josh on several occasions but it never worked out. Josh actually called and made our reservation days earlier, which is a first in our eight year relationship! It's a good thing, too, because come to find out, it was prom night.

Carrabba's was actually a pretty big disappointment, but that seems to be our karma whenever I get Josh to try a new place. I still had fun anyway, because Josh was all manly and sweet and ordered for me like we were an old married couple. He knew this week had been really hard for me, and he worked hard to make sure our anniversary was fun and happy. We talked about mom and our marriage a bit, but mostly we just talked about happy things. Josh makes me laugh.

I told him our day made up for not having any real anniversaries all those years, but that now he's set the bar pretty high for the rest of them.

Our Marriage

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Sat, 09 May 2009 12:53:47 GMT

We've been married for one year today. At this time last year, I still didn't even know if we were going to get married.

After rereading my marriage story, which was first shared in a friends-locked post here, I decided to share it again to mark the occasion. I'll keep this posted publicly, at least for a little while, so some of my non-lj friends and family can read it if they like. I can share it a little more now.

I was so, so angry about the timing of this whole thing. I know I probably shouldn't have been, but I really felt like Universe was giving me a big yeah, fuck you by trying to take my mommy right when it did. Not funny, but that's the truth. Honestly though, our marriage could never in a million years have started out so strong and so powerful as it ended up being.

I told Josh we didn't have to get married that day, or at all that weekend if he didn't want. Josh had been so wonderful keeping the kids through all this. He just dropped everything else so he could be with them, and I could be with mom. I had been with her nearly the whole time, making sure never to miss a visitation and sometimes in between, and I'd dedicated Friday to Josh no matter what happened. The whole week, Josh had not seen mom even once. If we were going to get married and do it right there in her presence, he would have to see her for the first time, assimilate that (and it was bad), and then get married. I told him how I'd never wished that kind of start for our marriage anyway, and I certainly wouldn't want to force him to do it if he didn't want. Josh hadn't *wanted* to see mom like she was. He was holding the image of her in health and vibrancy, the vision of the watercolor someone had done of her once.

But Josh was so awesomely amazing. He knew that whether we did it or not, we'd be stopping life support the next day, Saturday. I mean, we're spiritual believers enough to know that mom would be there no matter what. But Josh said we'd go ahead and do it, and that no he hadn't wanted to see her like that, but he felt we should go ahead if everyone else was supportive of that. We knew mom wouldn't want us to put it off because of her. All we'd heard from folks was how everyone had talked to her that weekend (and seriously, she talked to damn near everyone Sunday night before it happened), and she'd been so excited and told them all about our wedding coming up. So, as Tina declared, “All right, congratulations honey, it's your wedding day.”

We headed home to gather up what stuff we did have. We'd been planning to get several things that week, and I really didn't want our wedding to be put together slip-shod. I'm big on ceremonies anyway, and I really needed to put intent and sacredness into it.

When I got home though, oh wow! I hadn't thought about the time I'd have to take with Achaiah. My poor dog was flipping out. Believe what you will, but my dog is my canine soul mate and we have had many, many a weird shared spiritual experience together in our 7 ½ years together. We are connected in a way I never thought possible with an animal, and she's oddly sensitive anyway. When I got home, I realized Achaiah knew exactly what was going on. In fact, I really suspect she – and possibly our kids (especially Ivy) – had been visited by mom.

Poor Achaiah. She was all up in my lap, whining and going nuts like I'd never seen her go nuts. I petted and rubbed and tried to calm her. I sat and explained everything to her, and she just started whining and literally flipping around more and more. To the point where I'd been talking, petting, and reiking for probably 30 minutes to no avail. I realized, well, everyone in the house has been attuned to reiki except her. Jen's healing attunement had been so powerful for me, and I'd also snuck in when no one was around and gave my mom her Master's attunement for healing &/or ease of passing over. (Incidentally, mom is the first Reiki Master I ever made). So I gave Achaiah an attunement, as best I could. It had to be a bit modified, especially since she was so wallow-y in my lap. She started calming down half-way through it though, and by the time I finished the whole process, she was calm and laying at my feet. I do not exaggerate a bit.

Once that was taken care of, I showered. Ah. Never neglect the power of a nice long shower in the middle of a tragedy. I even let myself cry a little bit, in hopes that I wouldn't do any at the ceremony. I did a little cleansing visualization afterwards, and I came out feeling so much more refreshed. Even a little giddy about the whole getting married concept. I found a rose powder mom had made for me as a Christmas gift one year, and I covered myself with that. Rose is my favorite.

I gathered up the four little favor boxes I had, and got a giant bowl to mix the rose petals in. We had petals for the flower girl baskets. The girls couldn't be there, but I wanted the roses to be. We'll use them again at the real wedding. I used my smudges to smudge everything, and made sure bits of sage and sweetgrass went into the rose petals.

I opened the door and windows to get light in, and cleared off some counter space. The house was beyond messy with me gone for a week. I had to create the space, both for preparing the objects and my own center. I smudged the room with sage first, for healing, and as I went to smudge myself, I felt like I should be by the door in the light. Achaiah came and sat in front of me as I smudged myself, so then I also smudged her with all the reiki symbols. She got up and left as soon as I was done, and was fine from then on.

I repeated the smudging on the room and myself with sweetgrass, which is the Spirit of Kindness. Compassion comes after healing, I felt. By this time Josh had found some suitable 'nice clothes', and I asked him if he'd help me prepare. I've been trying for years to get Josh to ceremony with me, and he never has. I told him that our marriage should be the exception, and he hooked up the rings on the ring bearer pillow for the smudging while I finished smudging the supplies. Then he held the pillow as I smudged the rings last, and then I believe that I accidentally married us.

Not legally, although I am technically ordained. Basically I thanked him for helping me do that, and then I told him why I was marrying him. I felt a tangible whoosh of energy, very similar to a reiki attunement. Someone asked me if I felt different being married. We've been together so long that I really thought it was just the legality thing, no different. But nope. From that moment forward, I've felt very, very different.

We headed back out after we had some bags packed, and got ahold of my sister. I told them that I wanted to go to Van Wingerden and get some of the flowers mom actually grew to make my bouquet. Tina said, “Oh, we've already taken care of that for you.” Lyz had made my bouquet. There were more flowers than I realized at mom's, since she'd brought a bunch home for my wedding. I met them at mom's, and I'd planned to get the bridesmaid's dress that mom and I had bought together for Tina. It was white, and Tina was going to let me use it for a wedding dress. But yipes! That thing did not work on me a bit. Lyz ended up wearing it, and Tina gave me one of her Vegas trip outfits that she hadn't worn.

We at least had fun trying things on in mom's room. Interestingly enough, I'd found one of mom's writings on anger laying around. I read most of it there and took it with me to digest later. I considered it a wedding gift, although I'm not sure if maybe one of my sisters didn't leave it out.

I gave my sisters their necklaces, which it seemed they really liked. Mine was a turtle, because I'm a bit of a turtle girl. I got a crescent moon for Lyz, and a little orb-y one that looked to me like Tina and ended up matching her outfit.

We went to the hospital, and I met up with Grandma and the family entire. Our family is large. Grandma had seven children, and all of them were there except Uncle Pat and his wife, who were due to arrive Saturday. Most of the IL cousins had stayed there, although Uncle Tom's kids Devin and Quincy came. My cousin Tadd lives here in Asheville, and he was there. Also, my cousin Cole is my age and was my best friend for years. He couldn't be there, although he called when he heard the news from Pat. Cole just happened to call again as we were on our way to go get married. I consider him there as well.

I visited a little but it was already getting late, so I went to go change. I couldn't let Josh see me beforehand, of course. The last thing we needed was bad luck. Ha. Anyway, he and Tina went down to wait for K'Sitew and I brided up. Besides the outfit, all I really had was one of mom's necklaces. Tina and Lyz gave it to me for my old, borrowed, and blue. Tina thought we cheated on the new with the flowers and unworn skirt, but really I thought what we were doing seemed a whole new kind of new. K'Sitew actually mentioned something about new beginnings in the service, and that touched me, too.

We all went right into mom's room, and Josh and I stood with K'Sitew and his beloved, Kathleen, on one side of mom. The McDivitt family, and Tina's man Adam, crowded in as best they could. It was actually really nice to have everyone there, even though it couldn't help but be kind of sad.

K'Sitew (who is also my Reiki Master), did a lovely ceremony. He started with invoking the sacred space, and I think he said some things on the cycle of life. Josh pointed out that my grandma kept her eyes closed the whole time, just nodding sometimes, treating the whole thing like a prayer. K'Sitew offered the rings to the four directions and asked for the blessings of each. I read one of the poems I'd wanted at the wedding, the one I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to read. Steady voice most the way, baby...go me.

I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.

I love you, not only for what you have made yourself, but for what you are making of me.

I love you for the part of me that you bring out.

I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart, and passing over all the foolish, weak things you can't help dimly seeing there.

And for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else has looked quite far enough to find.
I love you.

- Mary Carolyn Davies

It was funny, because about half way through I saw Tina and Adam in hushed conversation with the camera, and she mouthed an apology that they were running out of batteries and wouldn't catch the kiss. It was just another funny thing. I really didn't care. At just about the same time, Aunt Bonnie realized her camera had video and she started recording it, and I'm glad, because she actually caught the best part.

We did our vows and the rings, and it was funny because we had a blessing to go with it, after the vows, and Josh wasn't sure when he was supposed to kiss me. You can totally tell in the video that he wants to, and it's incredibly cute. We ended up having the best surprise present I could ever have asked for.

I mentioned that my mom was an amazing singer. Her whole family is just a bardic family. I don't know why I never got to inherit any of it, but all of them can play at least one instrument and sing – beautifully alone and even more beautifully together. Half the family is in a band called Cuzband (most of the McDivitts and some of the Iveys have all been in this at some point). Before my wedding day, one of my greatest memories is when I was 17 or so on a trip back to IL, and I was invited to sing with mom and most of the aunts and uncles in church for Grandma on mother's day.

Well at our ceremony, the whole family started singing for us. Uncle Tom started it, and everybody picked it up without missing a beat. They sang Amazing Grace. It was so beautiful. Uncle Tom told me later that mom told him to do it, and I more than believe it if that's what he says.

We got our marriage hoop, which I think was very healing. I had wanted the ceremony to be a healing ceremony. Then we got our kiss, and became Mister and Missus.

K'Sitew and Kathleen took us out for dinner afterwards, and it was the first time I was able to eat all week. As we left the hospital, it started sprinkling for the first time, and it was positively thunderstorming by the time we got down the road to the restaurant. Josh murmured to me on the way out, “Good, a cleansing rain” when it was just sprinkling, and K'Sitew and Kathleen started calling out “Thunderbird!” every time the lightning started crashing.

It stormed like crazy all night, and though it rained off and on all weekend, the wind was the craziest I've seen it in a long time. It literally almost lifted Eden off the ground. Josh and I kind of feel like the sprinkling started at the beginning of mom's passing process. I also mention mom's great spiritual presence. The life of this woman was amazing, and I really believe her death was too. When a powerful presence crosses, it's more power than the conscious mind can reason. I've never been around death before this, not counting the occasional loss of a pet. I remember Papa dying, but I was just a little older than Eden and heard about it rather than experienced it. It was so hard being mom first, when she was so young and ready to start living for herself. All week though... not just me, almost everyone in the family came to me and said, “It sounds crazy, but Christy has been talking to me all week. The weirdest things have been happening.”

From when they literally wheeled her under my nose at the hospital, it's been beyond-coincidental intense. I've touched on a few things, but it's quite literally the tip of the iceberg. When I felt that rain, I felt it start, and I honestly believe the earth – or at least our little mountains here – mirrored the force of my mom's departure.

Dinner with K'Sitew was good. He told about the Cree way, when he lost his son and his Cree wife comforted him. He was so tired of hearing things like “A parent should never have to go through that” and condolences and things. He called his Cree wife and she exclaimed, “Oh, you have a new helper! I'll get my pipe.” I like that. K'Sitew offered to do a pipe ceremony for my mom whenever I want, and I think I'm going to try to do that soon.

When we left them, we just drove around alone together for a little while. It was indeed bittersweet, but we just talked about mom the whole time. Josh and Adam really hung out alone with mom way more than anyone realizes. For like four years, Josh saw or was hanging out with mom every day. They'd always chill there while I ran off and did my church thing, or classes, or when I started working down the road. We shared so many good Momma stories. He told me about one where they went off with Eden to play frisbee in the park, and how he was blown away by mom's frisbee skill. He described it and had it down perfect. I remember Mom's frisbee goddessness from childhood, but it would have been cool as hell to see her out there doing it again. Mad tricks. It's just the perfect picture of mom. I later begged him into telling it at her memorial, and really, it helped the whole family. So mom.

She was a foosball champ, too.

Oh, but anyway. This is what we did for a few hours after we got married. Just back and forth with the Mom stories, and I could tangibly feel the two-hearts-become-one process. It hurt too, but in a good way.

Tina called (I did bust out with “Mrs. Mack speaking”) and asked where we were at. She was drinking with Uncle Mike and his Linda (we have two) and they wanted us to join us. That's often how our family both grieves and celebrates. Not the healthiest thing, but it's what we do when we're not singing or telling dirty stories. We're Irish, I make little excuse.

Josh still wanted to be alone for a while, so we planned to meet up with them later. It was maybe 1 or 1:30 when we got to their hotel. Adam had gotten me margarita makings, but they'd forgotten salt and lime. Tina had drunk a little already, and she tried to talk me into taking a shot of tequila and chasing it with sweet & sour. I was not quite that celebratory or grievous, but I consented to her shot when they found me some soda pop. Her shot was like a third of the little plastic hotel glasses, though. I think it was a big shot. This one, unlike the three margaritas I'd had a few days previous, went to my head fairly quickly.

I really didn't want to go back to the house, and Mike & Linda were super kind and gave us a wedding gift. We decided to use it to get a hotel room, although we couldn't quite bring ourselves to stay in the one all the family was staying at. So we had a little honeymoon after all, and Ed, Romella, and Keia from church had visited, bringing prayer shawls and our wedding brownies Josh had asked for. We ended up using that for our wedding cake. We fed a piece to each other, and Josh let the kids have a piece later, but I think he mostly ate it himself.

All in all, the very best wedding I could have asked for, given the circumstances. There's no doubt that we did the right thing, and I certainly married the right man.

Lyz

Lyz & Tina

Tina with cousins Quincy and Tadd. Lyz is peeking a bit.

Before the ceremony: Grandma Louise, Tadd, me, Uncle Terry, and K'Sitew

Sweet Community

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:46:21 GMT

I forgot to mention this yesterday. Thanks to the lj spotlight, I've recently signed up and started watching the snapshot_hunter community. They give a theme every week, and people submit photos for that theme.

I entered for the first time this week. Though I'm not in the run-off, I got five votes and that really excites me as far as first shots go. I submitted this photo from our most recent trip to Sam's Knob:

I'm glad to see how many votes I got without pimping, though. ;) Feel free to check out that community and sign up. I know I have a lot of photographer friends out there.

Hopefully future submissions will get better.

Another Piece of Parenting Bliss

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Thu, 07 May 2009 14:59:07 GMT

Eden: Mom, can we have a celebration?

Me: Every day's a great day for a celebration! What did you have in mind?

E: You know, like a party?

Me: Okay. Well did you want to invite people over, or just make something special, or do gifts? I mean, what did you have in mind?

E: Ooh! Let me go get my notebook, and I'll show you.

At this point, Eden runs away and comes back with her notebook and starts flipping through pictures. I say how they're good, and she says:

Oh, Ivy drew those. She got my notebook. This is Ivy's...this is Ivy's...this one...Oh, here's one of mine! It's about me training Cinder.

Me, a bit shocked: What is that? No Ivy?

E: Um, no, that's just a face.

Me: It's a face all circled and slashed out, with a big “No Ivy” written beside it.

E: Oh, oops...that wasn't what I meant to write.

(For the record, her plans were a party for Cinder. She included homemade decorations, balloons, a tunnel & slide that turns Cinder invisible, and "No Puppy". Achaiah can come, because she's a dog, not a puppy.)

Rumi for my mom

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Thu, 07 May 2009 02:23:27 GMT

X-posted from dailyrumi, and last year.

http://ahavah-ehyeh.livejournal.com/187488.html

Dragcave

ahavah_ehyeh@livejournal.com — Wed, 06 May 2009 20:25:26 GMT

I was trying to trade someone my pink female hatchie for a male pink, and both were sniped in trade. :(

Also: I am organizing a Mass Dorkface Breeding for the weekend of May 29-31. Check out the first two posts of that link, or lineage_project, and let me know if you'd like to participate. No need to be active in either forum - just let me know if you want to help spread some Dorkfaces.

♥

As always - and I'm not sure my new friends know this - please feel free to post your dragons in the comments for views from my DC friends. :D