Today I was inspired by some good reading over in
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sneezythesquid's post on Discordia, particularly:How to be a Cultist
"Avoid needless embarassment. Practice the correct pronunciation of your god's name in the privacy of your room before chanting it in public. Flash cards are often helpful."
Sneezy's post is full of fun links. As a student of all paths, I've learned a bit of Discordianism and felt drawn to aspects (Pastafarianism, too, come to think of it). These so-called 'Parody Religions' can be quite enlightening, if you sit down and take a close look at them.
Ultimately, though, I'm too much of a spiritualist to follow a path like that. I've always innately felt what I know to be my own spiritual truths, and they come from a variety of religions. While The Principia Discordia is indeed eye-opening and entertaining, it's riddled with glaring, if well-meant, inaccuracies:
The Law of Fives: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO 5.
As I've pointed out before, and this was pointed out to me during a mystical trip to Egypt's pyramids (that was remarkably like Malaclypse & Omar's trip to the bowling alley, if you don't believe in coincidences), all things are made up of and break down into 4.
Law of Fives = 10 ('ten' letters) = 'Ten' = 3 ('three' letters) = 'Three' = 5 ('five' letters) = 'Five' = 4 ('four' letters) = 'Four' = 4
Sure it works.
Hail Eris = 8 = Eight = 5 = Five = 4 = Four = 4
Big Toe = 6 = Six = 3 = Three = 5 = Five = 4 = Four = 4
Just don't think about it too hard.
You see what I mean? With such glaring misinformation, how could I dedicate myself to such a path? While Discordians turn to The Principia Discordia for Divine Truths and see Eris as Supreme, I adhere to the truths as written in The Ultimate Authority on who is or is not, in fact, The Shit, which clearly shows that I (Supreme Ruler of All) rank above Eris (who comes in at an honorable 12th place):
This was actually addressed at the My Goddess Beat Up Your Goddess Conclave of 3165, when the Polyfather and I struck a deal that would quietly recognize my sovereignty. In exchange for a shiny tiara and a ribbon with "The Shit" spelled out in sequins, as well as a payment of 400 pounds of cheese paid over a five-year period (sigh, compromise), I agreed to take the Bible Belt as my headquarters and distract the natives so that Southern Discordians could go on about their business and take over select cities by infiltrating area zoning boards.
(Really, the POEE was trying to get rid of potential 'problem areas' because they believed Eris was going to unleash Y2K on The Aftermath 73, and the HP was pretty embarrassed when he fell victim to one of Eris's own games.)
Anyway, that Conclave is how I went and started my own religion, the Rumilicious Order of Cool Kat Spirituality (ROCKS). Slowly but surely, we are gaining steam and shifting paradigms everywhere - and as official Galactic Empress and Ruler of All Existence, I invite you to join my Legion of Light and become a minion today!
- Location:ROCKS secret lair
- Mood:
awake - Music:Tom Petty - Here Comes My Girl
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- Ahavah Ehyeh
Comments
I am amused that Bob Ross is more The Shit than Eris.
I won't disagree, however. He is a glorious being.
There is no H in Jon Stewart's name. Unless perhaps you've decreed it otherwise, HHTS.
I hereby papify you Pope Mandar the Slamdacious.
From this entry, I'm assuming that you are familiar with the proper calendar. An interesting and relevant fact is this: I was born on Confuflux. I think it says a great deal about me.
I actually know Jon Stewart is H-less, and if you don't believe me, ask
I do look forward to meeting Jon and giving him the opportunity to grab my ass, though.
IF ANSWER = "MC?"
RESPONSE = "Excellent, the world is as it should be."
ELSEIF
RESPONSE = "I think your list needs revision."
MC? = #84
Hmmm... Can I see the whole list?
I find your shit-list highly suspect, in that it does not include Saint Bill Hicks, but does include David Blaine, who would qualify instead for the list of those to be shat upon, were he not to likely find a way to make buckets of money at it. (This ability does rank him highly among Discordian popes, but then what-the-fnord, we're all popes in Discordia.)
Remember, Fred Rogers died for your sins. So stop doing that.
I said stop.
Sincerely (ha!),
-Pope George Ringo IX
I'm sorry that you disagree with the shitlist (although you are, of course, allowed to disagree with up to 3/4s of it). Personally, I'd have David Blaine a bit lower on the list, but the Ultimate Authority is a committee endeavor and it requires a bit of give-and-take. David Blaine is the shit, though, if only because he has the ability to both win the lottery (and I've been sorely manifesting that) and read minds.
Fred Rogers is on the list at #19.
Love of Light (LoL!),
Her Extreme Coolness, Mandar the Slamdacious
Highest Priestess
Galactic Empress and Ruler of All
Brigadier Saint, Pope Emeritus
The Prettiest One
For an even cooler version of Bob Ross, check out the Boondocks episode "Riley Wuz Here".
I may try downloading that show. Bob Ross was great. If there is a cooler version of him out there, I will have to see it.
Bob Ross tagging houses and involved in a police chase...there's no cooler version around!
Actually, do you normally host random good things? Maybe I'll get the info anyway for future reference. Email me if you don't want it public, which I assume you don't.
Wanna give him a nudge?
That the DL & Rumi tied for third (my most favorite number) is just too perfect. Though i think Jane Goodall kicks Jerry Garcia's butt. :P
I will still allow this despite your blasphemous St. Jerry comment. Putting him at 8 was difficult, and he only lost points for being dead (well, and addicted, but we all have our lessons). Really, if you look at his mark on the world (I hope my sub-culture gets as big as his sub-culture!), you'd have to agree that he deserves higher than 8. Luckily 8 = 4+4 or I never would have allowed it.
You know, i'm not taking anything away from Jerry...it's just that Jane Goodall is such a great Dame, and what list couldn't use lots of them near the top? ;)
I hear that. We unsung benevolent ones need to stick together.
This s further proof of your wise and benevolent nature!
Man, I just like you more and more. ;)
Now, i'd like to know more about my rights, obligations, and retirement benefits as The First Saint. Oh, and just a clarification that said sainthood doesn't actually require the usual death thing for eligibility.
Hm. The Ultimate Authority on Saints and Saintly Benefits is still in the works, but it takes time to build a thriving empire. I'll see that you don't have to die (which always seemed like poor form to me), but as First, you'll probably be the only one to have retirement benefits. You can take North Dakota, if you like. That may seem like a small parcel, but there's really no South Dakota - it's a government conspiracy, and there's really just one big Dakota.
You know, i'm not taking anything away from Jerry...it's just that Jane Goodall is such a great Dame, and what list couldn't use lots of them near the top? ;)
True enough, but if you'll look closely you'll see that both I and Blodyn are at the top, and we're the greatest Dames of all. Jane Goodall can rise in the ranks either when she agrees to be my mentor and takes me to live with the gorillas, or when she grabs my ass like Jon Stewart has to.
ROCKS & the Ultimate Authority are Equal Opportunity dictatorships
Yes, we do!
While i'm all sorts of thankful and ecstatic over the not dying part, i do wonder if perhaps you could be persuaded to part with a different area other than Dakota. i was really hoping for something a little more...picturesque...for my retirement years. Bali, perhaps? That is, if it's not asking too much.
As for Jane, i suspect she'd have no qualms grabbing your bottom.
Nothing's too much for you, baby. Just stay away from New Guinea, since that's my retirement home. And Josh has dibs on Amsterdam.